WHAT AM I? WHO AM I?

I’m one of those guys who you see daily at the bus stop waiting for the bus or walking with the crowd on road…..

I’m one of those guys who is in a engineering college like many are but is yet to figure out his goal of life…..

I’m one of those guys who grumbles about the study load at college and bitches about his teachers and course curriculum…..

I’m one of those guys who go out for movies with his friends and then argues with them as to who’ll go and buy the popcorn and coke…..

I’m one of those guys who gets immense pleasure and a sense of relief when he listens to his favorite playlist…..

I’m one of those guys who loves reading novels a lot and is planning to write one too…..

I’m one of those guys who spends almost half the day on social media like Whatsapp, Facebook, Blogger and Instagram…..

I’m one of those guys who talks to his family at least once a day but never shares his problems so that they don’t get tensed….

I’m one of those guys who are a complete emotional fool but still manage to survive somehow…..

I’m one of those guys who wears a façade when he is a part of a social gathering…..

I’m one of those guys who really really likes a girl but circumstances dosen’t favour him…..

I’m one of those guys who thinks his life is fucked up but still does nothing about it…..

I’m one of those guys who complains daily about how the system functions but never takes any initiative to do anything about it…..

I’m one of those guys who feel sad and depressed when he sees someone in pain but forgets about it in 30 minutes…..

I’m one those guys who’ll regret more for the things he did not do than for the things he actually did…..

I’m one of those guys who suffer from multiple personality disorder……

I’m one of those guys who is a realist, veiled as a pessimist, who dreams to be an optimist…..

I’m just not like you…. But  I’m just like everybody else…..  In the most different way…...

I may sound contradictory but yes I am an idea. I am a constellation of thoughts. I am ordinary, but I dream big. My successes are not of much important, but neither are my failures…..

But, I am not just a dot on the planet. I am a lot of things to a lot of people. Good and bad, but not a mere existence…..

I am not a kid anymore, but I'd love to be…..

I get happy with the smallest of life's gifts, but that does not mean I do not want the big ones. I am a materialist with a heart…..

I hate fighting. But politics and wars interest me……

I am a procrastinator. I always plan on working hard an hour from 'now'…..

I like to believe I can do great, but I have my doubts…..

I like to be alone, I love solitude but still hate being left out…..

I love writing, but words don't come to me very easily. So I write in circles…..

I am laid back in action but urgent in thought…..

I fall from elegance with a dull thud and I apologize for my awkward sadness…..

I like it meticulous, but my room is really messy…..

I hate my neighbours playing loud music, but I myself sing at the top of my voice…...

I sometimes believe that I don’t belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn’t happen…..

Seriously words will fall less to describe who I am….

A wanderer in search of life….

A conjurer in search of magic…..

A poet in search of rhymes…..

A writer in search of words…..

A child in search of innocence…..

A whisper in search of voice……

A human in search of true love…..

A darkness in search of light…..

A person in search of myself…..

I own my triumphs and successes, all my dreams, failures and mistakes, I have tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive and make sense…..

I own me and therefore I can engineer me…..

To end on a happy note, I am too interesting to handle, trust me…..

I am a contradiction….. A conundrum….. A puzzle and a riddle waiting to be solved…..

A story unfolding…..

A Nightmare ....

A horrifying scream from his daughter’s room woke him up, he rushed to her room seeing her being raped by two masked men. Suddenly, he was hit on the head.

                                                            
                                                                 *************

He stared at the ceiling for hours waiting for the alarm clock to ring. Relieved that it was a dream but terrified at the same time as it was too frightful and gruesome. He couldn’t stop thinking about it, yet wanted to forget it at the same time. Then, as the clock struck 7, he went to his daughter’s room to wake her up for school. After she was gone, he decided to ditch work that day and waited for her to return. He started to look back upon his life and regretted on how he had not paid much attention to his daughter after his wife’s death, and thought about how her treatment expenditure had them drown in debt, and then how after her death he didn’t have the time for emotions. He worked day and night and now they were finally out of the debt trap, but there was this mark burnt deep inside him that somehow “he has failed as a father” and he was filled with remorse for ignoring her daughter’s feelings and not being there to support her and after a year passed since his wife’s death, they had gotten used to living that way. To talk less, and just get the job done. "Just get the job done", he mumbled in despair. Somehow, that day, he had lost his daughter too along with his wife.

He decided to change that today. However, at the same time, he was surprised as to how much that little girl, just 12 years old, had silently endured all this and not uttered a word. “ How did she get through all this ? It wasn’t easy even for him to cope up with the loss “, he wondered. 

                                                                 ***************


The bell rang. “Must be her”, he thought. He ran to get the door.
She was surprised to find her father at home. She asked, “ What are you doing here? Where is she?”
“I told her to take the day off“, he responded. “ Can we go out somewhere today?”.
“Sure”, she said reluctantly. 

So the two took off. Calm replies to her father's general inquiries about her studies, life and friends, came out as an effort of not wanting to ignore him. She just couldn't make her father feel guilty for his long forgiven absence by keeping mum. Silence had dwelled in the air between them for quite a long  time now. She turned on the music in the car to vanish the silence.
She had never blamed her father for what he did, she understood him all along. She knew that if he didn’t do what he did, they would be on the streets.

He took her to the place, they often visited when she was little. She remembered how much she loved coming here with her father and how she had completely forgotten about it in all these years.However, she was glad to be here today. She asked him, thinking it would bring back some old memories, “Dad ?, can we have some ice-cream first?”

He recalled, how when she was small, she wanted to have as many flavours as she could get hold of and how afterward, she would fall sick and then how he was scolded by his wife for spoiling her. “Ice-cream it is”, he said, with a smile on his face, remembering the old times.

As he approached the counter, he noticed how nothing has changed at all in six years like this place was stuck in time for all these years. After having ice- cream, they sat on a table and ordered some food.

The voice of her laughing, sounded more pleasant to him than a cuckoo’s chirp. He noticed, how much she resembled her mother now in terms of looks. They both realised how much they missed her and looked back at all the fun times they had together when she was alive.

She said gleefully, “I am really happy we came here” as if she had been for this day.

He then knew that he didn’t have to explain anything to her, that she understood everything already.

                                                                *************

They came home tired. He got her bed ready and she was soon fast asleep. He waited till she was asleep and then went to his room and lied down. 

Staring at the ceiling, smiling, euphoric he felt. He had felt like this when he talked to his wife for the first time. He still remembered each and every aspect of that conversation, the excitement and the fear he had in his mind, that why would someone so beautiful will ever like a person like him.He tossed and turned in his bed with happiness, relieved that he got his daughter back.
A loud scream exploded in his head. A foggy vision of a half dead, disfigured, naked young woman clouded his eyes.

                                                                 *************

Suddenly a scream woke him up. He stared at an unrecognised dead body. Naked, she lay on the floor like a piece of rotting meat. Scars on her face, blood spread on the floor. He became numb. Just kept on staring at her, he knew her from a half remembered dream.








# Summary

The first and last are the reality stages and the middle one is the dream.When he was struck on the head, he became unconscious and started dreaming. The dream state signifies what he wished he should have done when he saw his daughter being raped and knew that now they are going to be killed. He wished that he had one day to make things right, but now it is too late.
 
This thought went to his subconscious mind and he dreamt about it, exactly like he wanted the things to be. The dream stage is based on how he thinks she is still the same today as she was when she was 12, how the place they used to go hasn’t changed at all in six years as you can’t dream of new places you haven’t been, how she still wants to have ice-cream and still likes that place, whereas at 18, her interests have surely changed but as she is the father’s imagination of her daughter, he thinks she is still the obedient little innocent girl, she once was. This signifies that how parents usually are stuck in the past thinking their children haven’t grown at all.

The fact that he doesn’t have to apologise to his daughter also shows that he is dreaming, and everything happens according to his will. Like he didn’t wish to  actually say raw words and wanted her daughter to understand without him saying that he was sorry and how he imagines that his daughter has understood why he did what he did to pay the debt and why he had no time to pay attention to her. This also shows how we think in our mind that we are right, whereas there are different versions of being right, some will feel that the father was right, and some that he was wrong.

So,in the dream, everything is like he wishes things to be. 

But in reality, the relation with his daughter has worsened beyond repair. His daughter is involved with the wrong people, all these events have somehow led to her rape and murder.
The second scream at the end of the story, is of the maid, who enters the house because all doors and locks are broken now as the rapists broke into the house. 
When he wakes up, he has lost his memory and doesn’t recognise who she is on the floor, she is his daughter.
The maid is mentioned when the daughter asks “ Where is she? ( the maid) ” and the father replies that "he has told  her(the maid) to take the day off.”

P.S: This story of mine was published a year back on CampusGhanta, quora and some other blogs. I wrote it being anonymous.Sorry if you have read it earlier. Now i have reframed the story in a newway.

Biggest doubts of 2k15......

By and large year 2015 passed peacefully, 

but three questions left unanswered. 

1. Why katappa killed Bahubali? 

2. Who was driving Salman's car? 

3. How many husbands did indrani have?


If someone gets the answers, please inform 

me too :P

According to Salman's testimony, 
1. He went to the bar around midnight but only drank water. (Yeah, right.)

2. There were 2 drivers that day. The first one drove the car till he dropped Salman to the bar. He then told Salman that he was feeling sick and so by the time Salman will be in the bar he will call for another driver. When Salman came out of the bar, the fans around him went crazy and so he went inside the car sitting on the driver's seat waiting for the other driver to come. And so all the people's testimony who saw Salman in the driver's seat wasn't of any use.

3. Near the accident spot, the tyre of his LAND ROVER suddenly burst out of nowhere on the most posh roads of Mumbai and so the driver lost control of the car.

4. When the accident happened and he crushed people under his car, he was supposedly beside the driver's seat, but the door had jammed due to the accident. So he came out of the driver's seat. (LOL.)

5. *THIS IS THE MOST EPIC ONE*
     The person wasn't killed by his car,  rather he was killed by the crane which came afterwards to lift the car. (He has actually said this. Believe me.)

6. When he was taken to the hospital for blood tests, his blood sample was taken and after thorough tests, it was proved that he WAS under alcohol consumption. But wait, Salman says that the doctor wasn't fit for performing medical tests and the report  was submitted casually and is therefore false. (Why would a doctor who has nothing to do with Salman plainly lie just hours after the accident? Not everyone gets a Kick from doing all this.)

Some other facts :
1. Kamaal Khan (No, not KRK) was present in the car that night. But he wasn't called to the witness stand even once. (Shocking, right?)

2. Ravindra Patil, a police constable was also in the car all along that night. He maintained that Salman WAS drunk that night and he himself drove the car.
Guess what? Ravindra Patil is dead. He was fired from the police, he was harassed multiple times so he had to change his statement to be alive. He was deserted by his family and he spent his last days on a footpath (Yeah, I know. The irony.)  Even during his last days he maintained that Salman Khan was indeed the culprit. But because he had changed his statement multiple times, his statement wasn't taken into account. The prime witness' testimony upon which the  Bombay Police had rested their case on, was rendered useless.

3. The same facts upon which the sessions court had punished him for a 5 year jail term, were used by the Bombay High Court to prove him 'Not Guilty'.

This case can be the most interesting episode for the hit series 'How to Get Away With Murder'.

Things that can make only an INDIAN happy :P

Today i with two of my friends were debating over this silly topic. We were serious in the beginning but our debate infact became a jot down session of the things which make us Indians happy And gosh we came up with so many things that can make an average Indian happy. The things which makes an Indians happy can be as small as getting a wishful temporary tattoo from the inside of a Bubblegum (Boom Boom Boomer) to feeling accomplished after finishing the semester exams or unit tests. 

So lets start. I hope everyone can relate to this... :P

1. Parents learning to know how to use Whatsapp. They get super excited even after sending their first "hi" and putting their picture as dp. The same happened with my dad a year back and that smling expression on his faces was just priceless. 

2. Finding a 10 rupee note in the pocket of your old jeans.  Synonym for #treasure found# in India.

3. Extra papdi after Pani Puri. Asking for papdi after a mouth watering pani puri session is every Indian's birth right. None can decline this.

4. Getting a free treat. Everyone loves a free treat. Even if it is in some unkown person's marriage.

5. If you can get a reservation of window seat in bus,train or in any flight, it'd make any INDIAN happy. It doesn't matter what your age is.

6. Every student must have experienced this. 
Neighbours/Relatives kids /friends not doing so good at studies .(Low expectations from me I am beating them anyway).

7. Late night group studies with our all time favorite Maggie. The return of Maggi is the best moment of the year. 

8. Wedding. A wedding in India is not less than a festival. Shaadi Season brings smiles to our faces. #naach gaana..shor sharaba..and of course the free ka khana #staring beautiful hot girls in ethnic wear is the best part.

9. Being made to believe by buddies or almost everyone "she loves me". Self denial everyone is a fool, I am the smartest.... Every Indian guys story..

10. Getting money from relatives as blessing. Seriously typical Indian thing :P
This may sound as a easy transaction, but it is not actually so. Receivers are at first supposed to deny, act like they don’t want it while the elders insist. Everyone knows the money is eventually going to be accepted, but it’s never a simple give and take. There is whole melodrama associated with it.

11. Free Wifi can make us all stick to that place for hours.

12. Climbing onto a crowded train/bus  and finding an empty seat.

13. Public holidays,bandhs,strikes.Everybody likes a day off from work and not having to compensate for it.

14. Sighting a discount on an e-retail website.

15. Watching India prosper in Cricket :-  Be it M.S Dhoni hitting that historic six in the World Cup final, The spell that Ishant Sharma bowled to Ricky Ponting in Perth, Australia or The Master at the crease showing his class etc .

BUZZWORD

Because we dwell in metaphors and while the process we delve deep into the depth and form subjugating bonds with words like love, care and stuffs similar.

Some find pleasure in the process while some end up getting trapped by those polyglotic, usurping and occultly tyrannical words.

Those people who get trapped end up writing a treatise on their metamorphosis and then try to search for new words to camouflage their feelings but then they fail miserably and think that they have moved on.

But the bitter truth is, the vicious trap of those words is unbreakable and there is nothing called as “Moving On”.

You keep on subjecting yourself to  a pitiable predicament and finally die...... 

Do you believe in dreams???

A girl was sitting alone in a corner inside a dim lit area in the library. Reading a book by John Green “THE FAULT IN OUR STARS.” Engrossed in her book, she had buried herself deep in the story, playing scenes in her mind. As if she was imagining herself in place of the girl. Yes she was exquisite.

 She looked aside to see a figure come close. The boy seated himself right beside her. With a very innocent smile he asked, do you believe in dreams?

The girl was taken aback, surprised at the irrelevant question, and struck by his mysterious smile and dimples.

Hey miss, Do you believe in dreams? he asked again.

Actually yesterday i had a dream of this planet Mars. Have you heard about MARS!!! He continued asking her questions.

Umm yeah, I mean it's a planet, even a class 3 student knows about it, but why are you asking me this? she retorted fumingly.

I want to tell you a daydream I had, as you know the scientists have found life on Mars. Even there were some signs of water there. So the day is not far when human existence will be witnessed on Mars.

Okay, I read news, I am not dumb, she interjected.

The boy smiled shyly. No, I don't mean to test your intelligence, this is just a dream I thought I should share with you.

Okay, go ahead, she said suspiciously. Even she became interested in his dream.

So, a satellite was sent there by ISRO to investigate further about the planet and mission was named as mission MARS as you must have read that in newspaper.

The girl was just nodding.

The satellite has brought the most beautiful pictures of planet, its size, color, and even a heart shaped spot which was earlier unknown. Some footprints of weird animals were also recorded. As I watched the news, my mind started drifting away. I started day dreaming like I usually do. I started imagining how beautiful it would be to watch the sun set and moon rise from Mars, to walk on its land, climb mountains and look over the cliffs, all untouched by humanity. I saw myself walking on the planet with soiled feet and feeling it's air in my lungs. It was simply mesmerizing. I want to be that 1^st person to put my footsteps on Mars.

It would be beautiful, the girl said, now lost in his daydream the way she was lost in her book, trying to see herself in his place.

Yes, it would be. But, I woke up. Reality crept in, and I realized that this will never happen. It took the ISRO scientists like almost 12 years to reach there, it's unlikely that humans reach there soon, not at least in the next 30 years. Even if they do, I may not have the resources to go there. I am not Bill Gates. This dream, he sighed, will always be a dream. 

She felt the tragedy, a dream that is achievable but not destined to be true. 

The realization was bad, I was upset. It was the most happy dream but intertwined with a sad truth, he said with a hesitant smile.

But why did you tell me this? The girl now clearly curious.

So coming to the point finally, I saw you when I was leaving this room. You looked like the most beautiful person I ever saw. Suddenly it dawned upon me that I will never know you, I would never know the sound of your laughter, the depth of your eyes. I would never know how you speak when happy or how you behave when annoyed. Your curiosity, your behaviour, your habits, your fragrance, your voice, your favorite chocolates, favorite movies, favorite food, favorite color, favorite everything. You looked like a mystery, and leaving this room without speaking to you gave me that damned feeling again. 

Mars is too far for me, but you were just 7 feet away.

The girl was blushing, her palm sweating and her knees shaky. She could only muster up "Ohh", but her heart was beating like a 500 horsepower engine, hearing him compare her with his favorite dream. Her cheeks became tomato red and she was breathing heavily.

We are not friends, how would you know all this? How would you know me? she uttered.

The boy looked in her eyes, maybe we can meet in the CCD near your house tomorrow. We can start from your favorite coffee :P

She said Yes J

Happy ending

To be continued ……

Morning Walk!!! :)

The strong chilly morning, morning walk with a amazing person, Silchar morning are always enthralling. Beautiful sunrise, that first ray when falls on your face, oh, I feel truly awesome when the trees with me, the wind enthusiasing the real me in me. We walked together and my face used to wear a constant smile. The crepuscule on her face makes her look the prettiest simply like a fresh sunflower.

Morning is the perfect time when my mind and heart converse and talk. Being with her make me realize new things about me. I forget my past completely. Get rid of all the problems and just wanna seize that moment, the exquisite moments spent with her. 

A new realization, revelation of my own ingenuity, the way my conscience calls out to the world , meeting with my own yelling and screeching mind which has always been veiled by this ever soft and calm demeanor of her; this new day , self-discovery and cognizance of my own identity gives some stability to all the unrest that had hovered my sublime intellect with.

She loves playing with leaves, plucking and eating them. I always stop her from doing that. She loves flowers, she is very iridescent and ebullient, the scent of some distant flowers is making way through the mistiness of my surroundings, her presence gives me immense pleasure taking it to some new level , enticing me to forget all worries and agonies for a while , to feel the natural elements of happiness being represented around me. The way she loves nature and feels it, I am also finding symphony with her, trying to feel the real essence of nature the way she does, to find the best of all i can see or feel and to feel all that i have never felt before; for this perception means something, has a message for the lonely heart to find a companion within itself, to trust the presence of itself more than anyone else's and to enjoy being able to feel this autonomy with her.

Photograph!!!

And i only wish to wake up
one morning with my soul drenched in your love
and heart smeared with lust....
with you by my side
caressing me like a kid


When i look into your eyes
they twinkle brightest
your smile extends as if it will touch the two ears
I see your smile deeper
Raw happiness plastered
I stretch out for your chin
your once smooth warm skin
seems hard as rock
But you still look the same
At least does your photograph.....

Major missing :(

Tell me after so many years. Why is it, that when somebody mentions your name, the prison cell within which i kept our story as a prisoner in, find its release.... Even after so many year there are times when i miss you like hell... i pretend to people that everything is going well. But no its not true. Rarely people understand me. Only you did. The part that loved you inside my heart is still sharp and strikes the walls of my heart scratching them and that pain caused make me remember that i still love you ... but my eyes have lost that golden hue....

NIRVANA.... Food for thought

Just a question striked in my mind today ....

Don't you think the desire, to cease desire is also a desire? 

Patitya-samutpada or the theory of dependent origination, reaches it logical conclusion if an individual manages to overcome his desire, and becomes Nirvan (Blown-out) by living and dying dispassionately. But somehow this logic seems fallacious under the light of the above question?

Well  what desires are to people vary according to them. I am a big fan of Buddha theory. He said understanding your desires can lead you to path of enlightenment. The Buddha was very clear to articulate that the dharma (what we today call Buddhism) is merely a raft, not the destination. And when you reach the other proverbial shore, you never take the raft with you. You leave it behind. The dharma is simply a tool, one whose utility is limited. It is a conventional truth that can help you reach an ultimate truth. But never mistake one for the other.

Desires are like the sky . You cannot find an end to them. It is these desires that foster the seeds of merriment and the nubs of despondency -just like the sky , which houses the vibrant sun as well as plays the fount of all the storms . How i wish the perfection of each dimension enlightened my life ; that each and every person that i came across would be able to sense the aroma of munificence in me; how i enjoy to imagine that my desire of unfading freedom turns out to be true ; and that my dreams get desired by the wings of an eagle which soars high in the sky of achievements. Each day adds to the magnanimity of these desires and increases the murk of unattainability of the same. But this does not cease my heart's proclivity to wish and dream, to hope and imagine and to lie to myself.

But just give it a thought for once....

Isn't the idea of Nirvana self-contradictory?

I really enjoyed Mark Epstein's book Open to Desire. Through the story of the Ramayana, Epstein discusses how our desires are never truly fulfilled and this produces the existential angst or disconnectedness that the Buddha teaches. He is one of the few western authors that can explain tantra without resorting to vapid titillation.

Intention is Karma. Expectation is suffering. These are the dual aspects of desire, without regard to worldly discriminations (contradictions) of good/bad etc.

Within 'desire', there is the unseen fundamental desire arising from fundamental ignorance of our true nature (delusion), and the easily seen (sensual) petty desires arising from dependent confusions.

And if you have realized by now, this reduced desire of just the forward aspect of doing, which is the same for doing anything, is as good as nothing.. !!

You can think this way of doing Nirvana, not getting it....

ONE LINE TRY

She could only chuckle 
when she received the roses 
he said he would send her, 
for they were as crimson 
as his blood 
just after she shot him  :(

The Pain of Loss :(

Why is "Let Go" easier to say than implement.... I have tried to let things be... or let go of 

people so many times, but have never been successful.....

Why is that so difficult for me?? I just can’t see things falling apart. I can’t see people walk 

away, at least those who mean something to me. Is this some kind of psychotic or abnormal 

kind of disorder.Well i am  actually unable to figure out what keeps on running in my mind.

 From thoughts to dreams, everything seems too be so weird to me. Today i realised that 

beyond  a particular time no one in reality belongs to me. It is this temporary phase of life, 

till life rolls we like to possess people and things and proudly call them 'ours'. 


Today a friend suddenly asked me my story, the story of my life. I dared to tell her and this 

made me remember my mom again. 

Yes Maa i can't help missing you more than ever. I desperately want to turn time back again. I want you to be back. The grief is inexplicable and the loss feels unbearable. I miss your perfectly timed hugs, your sweet pampering, your selfless love. I remember the last promise i made to you was to be strong and stop flow of tears but I haven't been able to. I miss you, i really miss you a lot....


I wish I could be with you
For just another moment
To let you know how much you're missed
Each day ever since

I can still feel the warmth of your touch
I can still envision your smile, beautiful and lively
Though you are always there around me
Yet my eyes can't see you

Childhood storytales, eating food from your hand
your sweet pampering and love are no more
But memories have survived
Inside my core

Four years have passed
But it seems like yesterday
That I used to have you
Beside me everyday

Things have changed
And I am no more a innocent little boy of yours
I wonder what you would tell me today
If only I could hear what you have to say

I wish i could turn back time
Not just by years but decades
Right to the time i was a infant
I would have done a lot of things differently

Ya i would have never shown you disrespect
I wouldn't have tried to ignore you
I would have listened to your every advise
I would have stayed only with you  
only with you forever and ever

I wish I could be with you
For just another moment
To let you know how much you're missed
Each day every moment 
To let you know how much I Love you 
And how much I care for you

No matter how much I would wish to believe 

I can.... the truth is I can’t

Some things are inevitable :(

The best things about night

Thanks Geetanjali for the tag... 

Well for me every night is new to me each day. I have my own set of things which i love doing in night. Its the most peaceful time of 24 hours. Being a dark soul and a writer, i have no qualms in whatsoever in admitting that i am a 3 am person. Its difficult to point out one thing which is favourite about night. The night is for passion. It’s for fanaticism, romance and trouble. I belong to the night and night loves me back with equal fervour. It’s for wild hearts and unconcerned minds.It’s when the lonely seek comfort. As the saying goes "All true animals always comes out at night."

Though my soul may set in darkness,
it will rise in perfect light.
I have loved the stars too fondly
to be fearful of the night.

- From "The Old Astronomer (To His Pupil)" by Sarah Williams

Lying underneath an open sky was one of my favorite leisure activity during my childhood days (er... nights!). It was rejuvenating. I used to think a lot during late night hours just staring at the sky. A meteorite here, a satellite there. A few planets from out Solar System. And a steady stream of stars - floating ever so gently to the west. All part of a cosmic dance. Swaying, slowly. Yet, as a student of science, now I know they are anything but slow.

Have you met 3am? Have you heard the songs it sings and the nightmare it brings, when all you hear is death and stillness? Can you see the ghosts flying in the air? You look outside the window, and it's your past that you stare. There's a thunderstorm, blazing your mind, as you roam in the darkness to escape the grind. Have you felt the horrors of your existence, the past knocking on your window? You must applaud its persistence. And there's nothing to that moment that will hold you tight. And you realise that nothing in your life is either wrong or right. You realise that your life is nothing but a path of barren solitudeness. You realise that you've lost yourself in the sands of time, at this mirage of life, at the stillness of the night.

The silence where even a drop of needle can be heard. The refreshing chill and the absence of morning heat. The delight of city lights, the poetic thought chains, the fact that day is over and all bustles that come with it, the solitude, the sound of crickets, beats of music they produce, the twinkling stars, the racing thoughts during 3am, i bet none can beat that.

Starlit skies adorned with the coyly beaming moon, silver sheen of night is just mesmerising. Well frankly i do not understand mornings. I do not understand waking up early. I am procrastinator by birth. My mind starts functioning only after midnight. There is something magical about the night, something that makes me feel I am, after all a human. It convinces me that I am equally worthy of forgiveness for my past. It reassures me that I have hope for myself tomorrow. The possibilities, are endless. Tomorrow is yet, away.

A man does not lie at 3 am.

I learn to make peace with myself. The stars engulf me with a sense of wonder. All my loved ones are blissfully asleep. My foes have laid down their weapons and retired too. Everything is at a standstill, except for the rotating planet, twinkling stars and my thoughts. Yes my thoughts and they are so true and make me retrospect. My thoughts swim through the skies as a vagabond searching for validation. Oh, how weird and precious they can be. This is the hour when every song seems to be sung in my honor. This is the hour when I unfurl and become myself. This is the hour for reminiscence. This is the hour for stolen kisses and frantic reassurances in unlit corridors. This is the hour for dangerous texts, to dangerous souls and waiting for replies that never reach deep enough to heal us. 

The night, in its envelope of darkness eludes me. It makes me question my existence, and then answer it too.... 

Always remember... Quintessential art takes birth only in the loneliness,isolated surrounding...!!! (words of experience... :D)

your mind goes on in harmony with your HEARTBEATS...!!! <3

you can feel your each Breath...!!!

Night provides you another to get ahead of world...

when you look back, you never remember the nights you had plenty of sleep... !!!

and the last one...

and the aurora of optimism comes only after the gloomy night... :)

The Big Bang Trip.....

Conversations are still left between you and me, stories are still hanging by the thread, to be plucked off the trees.

Trees under which we lie hand in hand, listening to what has never been uttered, saying what always begged to be said.

I pick moments from your lips, and paint my days with them, I pick stars from the sky and decorate your darkness with them. 

I repeat my words in your ears, as you shift aside the food lying on the table. 

It's about time you ate my poems and anecdotes, it's about time I drank the mysteries kept hidden in your kohl smeared eyes. 

I play with your fingers, writing codes on your wrists, can you read what I wrote, can you feel the kisses am yet to plant all over body. Can you guess the patterns my fingertips will draw on your back, and can you feel the warmth of my breath on your breasts. 

The conversations are continuing you see, just that the words are replaced with a silence smeared with ecstacy, and I push you against the walls. 

Can you hear the walls whisper l tales of love we once made, as I make love to you in this moment. It's a tale beyond ages, as I turn your pages, ruffle your leaves, I roll up my sleeves and you laugh. You take off my shirt instead, and starting reciting your rhymes. 
Wind chimes, they keep playing the tunes , as we move in unison, matching our rhythms with ones that created this world. 

Just like the world we create, through our conversations, where I listen to each of your silences.

#thebigbangtrip

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Something all guys want girls should know.... Pls don't get offended :P

Somethings guys want all girls to know.....

1)Stop commenting on your friend's facebook pics like hottiee, hwaaaaaaaattt, too many kissy smilies in a series then luv u muah..muah..muah. In person I have never seen indian girls hugging or kissing(neither girls and boys toh bhul hi jao) each other when they meet, do they?:P 

2) Don't be in a relationship with a boy if at the end you are planning to be a sweet daughter of your papa (dad) and have no guts to at least stand for him.

3) Stop watching SAS-BAHU, Pyar ki ek kahani, Sasural simar ka, Diya aur Bati Hum type of serials. Not gonna take you anywhere

4) Smartness of a boy is not all about his dressing style or looks.

5) You could talk friendly with other boys too even if you are committed to someone. Your boyfriend isn't breaking up with you for that (some perverts exist)

6) If you get a proposal from a boy tell him clearly if you are not interested, don't tell him blah..blah..blah Its irritating and never keep him as an option between your yes and no.
7) Don't get jealous with other girls.

8) Don't blindly obey your parents and go for arrange marriage soon at age of 22/24 if you have more dreams.

9) Girls can also approach first, there is no universal rule that boy should come to you and propose you. 

10) You could also watch and understand Interstellar. But you will have to watch with full attention. Conditions apply

11) Mathematics isn't that difficult and we all live in a 3D world.

12) That boy isn't bad just because he drinks.
13) Don't be judgmental about shy boys, unless you know him in person. Do not use words like loser, f**k they are not cool. They don't make you smart.

14) Not all cool guys play guitar and have spiky hair. Salman khan isn't the best bollywood actor.

15) That girl in your group who talks to boys and is open minded, isn't an easy girl.

16) Don't expect your boyfriend to be Hrithik Roshan if you aren't Priyanka Chopra.

Pls dont take offense.. :P