Tonight I can write the saddest lines....

Inspired from Pablo Neruda and the happenings going on in my life, tonight even I decided to write the saddest lines....

Tonight I can write the saddest lines
Write for example,
I wish i were a stone...
I wish I was devoid of all feelings...
I wish I would have not fallen in love...
I wish I had no heart of my own...

The night is shattered...
and the blue stars shiver in the distance...

Tonight I can write the saddest lines
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too...
And yes from her side it was never forever...

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms...
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky...
I was so wrong in expressing my fondness to her...

Tonight I can write the saddest lines
I don't know where I stand with her...
Nor do I know what I mean to her... 
All I know is that every time I think of her, 
I want to be with her but she does not...

Tonight I wish I could control my tears...
I wish I could fake smile today like everyday...
I wish I could love myself like everyone...
I wish I could hate her....

Tonight I can write the saddest lines...
To think that I do not have her....
To feel that I have lost her....
What does it matter that my love could not keep her...
The night is shattered and she is not with me....

Tonight like every night...
I wonder if I can ever be happy...
I wonder if the feelings can be less crappy....
I wonder why I loved her...
I wonder we of that time are no longer the same....
I wonder "nothing meaningful can be captured without being cliche" 
I don't miss her like the sun and moon, I do not miss her like tide bent waves crashing on the shoreline, I miss her like a chernobyl  swingset misses children....

Tonight I can write the saddest lines...
I still catch myself running my hands over my body...
The parts she touched... 
Looking for the echoes of her fingertips...
I practice things i'll never say to her like everytime...

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her. 
Love is so short, forgetting is so long....

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her....

Tonight I can write the saddest lines
She was my North, my South, my East and West...
My daily classes and my Sunday rest...
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song...
I thought that love would last forever...
I was wrong, very wrong...

For all  happy words of tongue or pen,
The happiest are these: "BUT I LOVE YOU..."

For all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: "I LOVE YOU BUT...'

Yes she used the later frequently but i never realised....

Tonight I can write the saddest lines
Out of all the lies she ever told, 'I Love you' was my favourite...
How smartly she played with these words...
Trapping me slowly in her void...

May be this is the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her...

Tonight i can write the saddest lines
Pain doesn't hurt....when it's all you've ever felt...
Don't say you love someone unless you really mean it, 
cause people might do something crazy like "believe it".
And yes that's what I did :(

Don't put your happiness in other people's hands.
They'll drop it...
They'll drop it every time...

Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes, 
letting it go, hurts even worse....
It's better to close my eyes...
And get into deep slumber...

Hope I can survive :/